I found out this week that an old friend of mine is a lesbian.
There are a lot of words to describe what I’m feeling: surprise, shock, skepticism, and confusion come to mind.
I think a lot of people are surprised by friends coming out and react, “You’re HOMOsexual?”
But I’m surprised because my reaction is, “You’re homoSEXUAL?”
When someone makes it known that they’re gay, it’s safe to assume it’s because they see their sexuality as an important part of who they are and want to be respected for it…and I just cannot relate to that. I can’t imagine publicly talking about sexuality, or marching in parade to celebrate it. This is why I will never attend Gay Pride Events or SlutWalks. It’s not that I disagree with the message they are promoting, but rather that I would feel terribly uncomfortable attaching myself to a sexual declaration and walking down the street.
Finding out my friend is a lesbian, to me, is the same as finding out that a friend is sexually active. Sexuality is involved, and that is quite simply strange. Of course, I can intellectually process that I am the strange one, the statistical outlier for not desiring sexual intimacy…but it doesn’t change how I feel. I want to just squint and stare at her, try to pick brain and just ask why would you be sexually attracted to another human being?
But it’s not as though it’s a conscious choice. It’s hormonal, biological, natural…there’s no logical reason for it that anyone is ever going to be able to sit down and explain to me.
It’s not that I don’t understand her attraction to girls. I’ve had my Davidean crushes and romantic friendships, and fallen deep into love and poetry for various girls, but nowhere has this romantic affection ever bridged over into sexual desire.
I remember when she and I were much younger and could spend afternoons making friendship bracelets and beading necklaces. We weren’t sexual entities then…what changed and how did I miss it?
The wonderful thing about life, though, is that you don’t have to understand something to love it. She has been a wonderful friend to me, so naturally I want her to pursue her heart and do whatever will make her happy. Life is a long road and everybody has a different way of going down it. However odd others’ ways may seem, our intrinsic differences don’t prevent us from all traveling together.